One of the benefits of getting older is getting wiser. This is especially true for writers; we diligently record all our hard-earned lessons, so tend to remember them.
I now have reams of Word documents scribbled with lessons I learned the hard way: through good old fashioned experience. While I was trawling through them, I got the idea for an interesting thought experiment: if I could send 23 pieces of advice to my 23-year old self (excluding anything financial), which would I choose?
You may wonder why I chose 23. Originally, I chose 20, but then I read that, apparently, odd-numbered lists get people’s attention better than round-numbered ones. I have no idea if this is true, but thought I’d give it a try anyway.
So here are 23 truths I wish I knew at 23, but which, I hope, will be of value to you no matter your years.
Few things make you stupider than the belief that you need to have an opinion on everything.
If you want to be right, don’t try to be right, try to be less wrong. If you want to be smart, don’t try to be smart, try to be curious and humble.
No one is paying as much attention to you as you are. People are too concerned with how they appear to others to care much about how you appear to them.
Every “overnight success” is the result of years of thankless work. Success comes not from great acts of genius but from doing lots of small things consistently.
Failure is a mark of courage. It means you risked failure.
Many of the people you disagree with are not stupid, evil, or insane, but have had thoughts and experiences you haven't which led them to different conclusions.
In the long run, a lazy lifestyle creates more work and stress than a disciplined one.
You’re not inactive because you lack motivation, you lack motivation because you’re inactive. You don't need to feel inspired to start creating, you need to start creating to feel inspired. Action creates traction. All you need is to start and the rest will inevitably follow.
A lot of the time your feelings are invalid and you should feel differently.
You should just be yourself, not because it will make you more likable (it won’t) but because it's only by being yourself that you'll find people who like you for who you are rather than for who you're pretending to be.
Never argue with stupid people. It's easier to win an argument with a genius than an idiot.
If you can’t state the opposing view as well as the people who hold it, you shouldn’t feel entitled to your own view.
Don’t believe everything you think. The voice in your head is not you, and it’s not honest.
Make a habit of reading writers you expect to disagree with. One idea that challenges your beliefs is worth a hundred ideas that confirms them.
Be careful who you spend your time with, because you’ll become like them.
Don’t create the content you think people want to consume, create the content you want to consume. If it interests you, you’ll make it interesting to others.
You give the power to whatever you blame.
If you allow yourself to be provoked by trolls and narcissists, then you relinquish to them your time and energy, and thereby become their bitch.
Avoid people who love to gossip about others. They’re almost certainly gossiping about you.
When faced with misfortune, you can pity yourself for suffering it, or commend yourself for surviving it. The first option will extend your suffering, the second will shorten it.
Don’t take people too seriously – including yourself. Everyone is just a marketing campaign for their gametes.
Don’t take yourself seriously, but do take your work seriously. Do what you say you’re going to do. If you don’t, you’ll lose respect for yourself. And if you don’t respect yourself, you’ll find it effortless to trespass across your own boundaries and violate all that you value.
Your future-self would do anything to be you again. Treasure the time you have like you treasure the good old days, because today and tomorrow are the future’s good old days.
And that’s my 23. On another day I’d probably have chosen a different 23, but these are the ones that made most sense today. If you’re 30+ and could give your 23 year old self one piece of non-financial advice, I’d love to see it in the comments.
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Thanks for reading and, until next time, peace.
I love this post. I will be sharing it with friends.
My top realization I would tell 23-year-old me:
Don't waste time harping on setbacks or trying to change negative events once they've happened. Negative events will happen, despite your best efforts. Instead, evaluate how each event changes the landscape and your options for the future. Continually re-evaluate your best course of action to take past events into account, and resolve to make decisions that are forward-facing to give yourself the best chance to succeed in the future.
At 31, I finally got the advice I would have so desperately needed as a 23-year-old jazz musician from a brilliant player, mentor and friend with world-class standards: “What you’re working on is very, very difficult to do well. You have to go up there and bomb hundreds of times. There are no shortcuts. Also: Your failures will never touch our friendship.”
And with that, I became bulletproof (not just in jazz, but in all my endeavors).
Or just about.